07a. Aligning With Success

Aligning with Success


Personally, I have trained the understanding of my emotions and thoughts since I was a teenager.  Perhaps it was reading pop books like Eric Berne, “I am OKAY you are OKAY” while I was babysitting at 14 years old.  Yes, I am most definitely dating myself, but when you look at what was available to the common person at that time, I did okay.  I was too young to be a hippie and not interested in distorting my consciousness with drugs to get enlightened.  I was too practical for that.

In college, studying psychology, I started therapy with a transpersonal psychologist.  I spent several years challenging everything that moved inside me.  Training me that I was out of touch with myself and my feelings.  This was the truth.  My upbringing did not come with a built-in education about this topic and I needed the work that I was going through.   As I tuned-in, I also tuned-up, creating much more harmony inside myself.  I was also unknowingly creating a very strong reaction to being “out of acceptance” and a “feeling of dissonance” which I judged.

In retrospect, I didn’t have the kind of commitment or movement I needed.  I needed to dive into something bigger and more challenging.  In retrospect, I was trying to reproduce the grace that my mother seemed to have in her life.  I figured if I built the pieces, everything else would just happen.   It didn’t.  Because I didn’t have a commitment to anything really, just building a life was like a house of cards.   Once I did find that life-force and passion from the heart, life was streaming by rapidly and with great joy. This is much more fun than being adrift!  

Why was I adrift?  I was building my life on someone else’s framework.   The life I wanted never ignited.  I required constant feedback of acceptance and acknowledgment to keep moving forward and it was exhausting to both me and whoever was attached to.  I think that this is deeper than codependency although it is a factor.  It think that it is actually a structural mistake.  When you build your life on another person’s base it becomes convoluted.  It could be on a parent’s life, a spouse, or even a child’s life.  It will eventually fall down when that person leaves through death, divorce or growing up.  Regardless of how it happens, you will be left with the same person you were before you began that journey on that road.  You weren’t advancing the person you were when you started on that road.  You were merging with someone else’s base and it isn’t natural.  The body doesn’t thrive that way.

This is an error because there is no natural support.  Each person needs their own base connection with the ground.  A plant in a flowerpot without exposure to the elements requires someone else to care for it.  A plant in the elements has natural support and mechanisms inside itself to survive.  We need to build our lives on natural support otherwise, our perceptions of what is available is confused.

This story is like the opening of every good action movie where suddenly the “adrift” person is tossed into a situation that requires very high commitment.  The movie ignites with action and passion and things unfold rapidly ending in a big magnificent feel good that engages the hearts of all.  Billions of dollars at the box office says that this is a common theme for everyone.  No judgement needed.  Be smart!  Engage your own heart, use natural support, and your own set of skills.  Write your own script!  

You might want to read a story or two about spontaneous recovery.  I like the one on audio book called “Dying To Be Me” by Anita Morjiani.  She describes a cultural confusion. When she gets back to herself, and resets herself onto her “natural base”, her lemon sized tumors disappear overnight and she is filled with joy!    Lesson learned: The body’s energy can work by itself when it is connected to a natural based and connected to the passion of the heart.  The body can then grow naturally and its systems can support themselves.

Let’s state it in the opposite.  If people are in a distorted position where they require behavior to attain support and sustenance,  they are unable to have natural growth.  They will grow tired and fail or they will be strong enough to push away and revive themselves.  If you are delivering what someone else wants,  you will be exhausted by it.  If you don’t have enough energy to move away from it, you will be angry.  If you completely don’t understand it, you will feel hurt because of the judgement of failure.   If you see it as a failure, that means that you are still committed to finding a way to make the unnatural support work for you.  You are trapped into wanting to have and being a “behavioral love dispenser”.  Everyone is going to get very tired of this.  Those who have strength left will push away and get a breath of fresh air.  If that works and they still have strength, they will walk away.  If they still have strength, they will remain compassionate and try to help out as they can.

I am here to tell you that if things are going wrong, if you are stuck, or if you are sick, there is a fairly straight forward way to correct it.  This is the bottom line of every spontaneous recovery:

1. You need to engage your heart.
2. You need to stay in the reference of YOUR life.
3. You need to make a commitment to something big in your life that is you alone.
4. You need to commit to using your own set of skills. Alone.  Just you.
5. You need to have forward advancing commitment which includes your life.
6. You need to be “lively” so you are in a natural rhythm and not adrift.
7. You need to be connected to the ground and solidly built on natural supply.
8. You need to live your own life expanding into your situation and spreading your wings.
9. You need to provide your own happiness and share it with many others.

Building Skills for Natural Support

These next skills are on a sliding scale.  Take time with each one to find out what you can do to help yourself in each area.

1. What can you do to become more willing to heal?

1. Where is your willingness to heal on a scale of 1-10?
2. Where does your willingness to heal have to be to get to where your heart wants to go?
3. List 7 things that you can do daily that will close the gap to get you to where you need to be:
1. __________
2. __________
3. __________
4. __________
5. __________
6. __________
7. __________

       

2. What can you do to transfer your foundation to be 100% naturally supported?

 

1. __________
2. __________
3. __________
4. __________
5. __________
6. __________
7. __________

 

 

1. What percent are in cooperation with your body’s feedback?
2. What percent do you need to be to get to where your heart wants to go?
3. List 5 things that you can do daily to be in cooperation with your body’s feedback and get you to where your heart wants you to be?

1. __________
2. __________
3. __________
4. __________
5. __________
6. __________
7. __________

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Here is a piece on Emotional Dependency if you want more on this.